For what on earth how could this be true? Right at this moment i feel so defeated and overwhelmed that i can't even really describe things i want. I really don't know what i am going to fight for? Been thinking of why i try so hard to be open and honest when it doesn't make others to be open and honest in return? Why i make myself sick trying to be an all-around great person when there is no one who looks at me and thinks i am what they need and want? Why i'm worried about others, when no one worries about me? Why i go nuts trying to find thoughtful ways to show how i care when no one does that for me? I have made few attempts to figure out the matters. Been trying to look everywhere for clues - in the challenges that come my ways, in the strength of my faith, in all advices i got from people, and in all experiences i have been through - but the greatest clue i think is inside me.
~For god's and my own sake, i have devoted a good amount of time on my well spending 10-days-off, helping relatives with their mission loads as well as teaching myself to get against the will. Life has now made me to be what i once was going to willingly choose to be. And, i seemingly feel both prophetic and surprising here.
~For today, i started to go back to work. For some reasons, here i post 2 shots at my workplace. And a freshly taken picture of mine - a geek in red. Sorry, no glasses again!
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It has been somewhat a 2-months-off-blog that I can't compute my mood into where i used to be. I wanna tell that now i have come to a phase where good and bad things can possibly begin to happen. This is completely a strange new world for me (though it's where i once used to originate). Yet, i'm trying to make sense of it all. Been trying to push forward. Been trying to stay focused on both the positives and negatives. And at last, been trying to bottle up my fears and worries under a big CONTROL.
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