nEw yEar rEsolution

It's once again New Year, my Khmer New Year. Every year i come up with different innovative resolutions to get fulfilled. Some get accomplished, while some remain abandoned, and most of which - the hardest part - is the releasing of unwanted chronicle events. I sometimes find myself thinking about the history and memories, and the resolutions versus the possibilities of its outcome, and then there came a point for me where i had to stop conceiving all i'd been through, all i could be or become, and focus on just what was, what i could acquire the most - but when everything is said and done, these endless things still haunt me.
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I struggled then and yet i am still so hard struggling here. Two questions raised here are: why are those histories worth sticking with my memory? Why can it be not just a climax point to straighten out my life to be just 'for better or for worse'? I wish i had a set of answers for this!?!? The idea of letting go of the history has been continuing to be a very difficult task for me. Because of those distinct events, i have maintained myself as an obsolete someone, as someone who would be just a doormat, a someone who would get out there and have entirely different attitude about the whole thing from others.

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For now, i have started to walk my life with this blogging thingy again. I have come to a phase where i will start from a frozen point - a below zero degree. I have been by self nurtured to learn to live with those memories and history. I have yet no any anticipation of fulfillment that I can do anything with them besides moving them somewhere more distant from my day-to-day thoughts. I want they are just there, not within my reach (for my own sake), though not completely forgotten.

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So here, there's no more drama of New Year resolutions. The plan now is to just live, by allowing the thoughts and feelings acknowledge the cruel facts, but then stop before i dive into its misery. I don't want to deny, but i don't wanna let it consume me anymore.
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Goodbye resolution!
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