冬天的雨 - wintEr rain

Tonight, like other nights before, i can't get to bed as early as i promised, still. I feel the outside window wind is pushing my bedroom window as if there's someone knocking my door. The outside temperature has become warmer and warmer respectively as if Spring is right at the corner although it is yet about the mid of Winter. I now can feel the rain is falling pass my window melting the frozen piles of snow covering sidewalks. It has been four consecutive days the rain is showing its potential as if Spring and Winter are fighting for its turn. That's such a rare to have seen such heavy rains during this mid Winter season. The snow outside from those storming-snow-days before the New Year has now started to melt as if it's the running water of the valley. My feeling, my emotion, my mind, my anxiety, my stress, my hope and my sorrow are now all together floating up through the window to get mixed with those outside raindrops and strong wind. Since all these sixth senses of mine are out of my body feature, it seems to me like an emptiness has spilled my life's scene.

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The outside windy and rainy cold cozy nature is seemed mocking at me for what I have been acting inside alone. I look around me, and i am now in despair. I glance at each and every corner I feel so alone like in the nightmare. Plz help me for I am in despair for happiness and peace for my hope. Plz help me how to be able to make me a change, from this grieving and despair, a piece of mind, a will to make my days upon this grieving world. If i could just make that one difference, I would live much happier and peaceful. Now that I want to go out and stand in the pouring rain, so i can cool down my growing pain. I can see raindrops playing their game with the stormy wind at the parking lot. Even though each drop of rain they look the same, I know there's more to rain. Plz come rain, come with all your strength; I don't care how much you can pour down to earth, but i care to wish and see you coming just one more big time so that i can say the last goodbye to you and to make all my rainy days just go away....

So plz rain.... if you don't stop pouring as your last present i'd rather live my life this way inside my shelter through eternity, but if you stop and walk away then I will know my life isn't just a dream. Again, plz rain.... keep pouring for the last time to wash my sad eyes which are blurred by tears, the few teardrops which hold a hundred diffrent reasons....

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rEbuildinG,