birth-nivErsary

It's raining! Once again, it's raining! From a look through my window, from the sound my ears could sense, it appears that those falling water drops are shouting and arguing for each own presence all the way to the ground. What a rainy mid-Summer! What a rainy July! It seems to me that the month of July has just come to calendar the other days and it is now already the very end of it; time flies real fast - indeed.

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As time goes on, all of these events keep popping up into this distance of my life. I've tried on many occasions to find the words to express what I have always been about to express, but there are simply no words to describe my all these years of the occasions called Birthday. I feel like most of these my so-called special days bring out nothing, but some numbers as a remark. It shouldn't be worth remembering; i assumed.

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Likewise, today has been no better than the previous others. This year, there're just 3 people have come to the recognition of this DAY - and, as yet, it's going to be about more than an hour till the rest of it; i am not complaining thou. Nothing is unchanging in this beautiful world. It seems to me that every individual i ever have and had relation with has his/her own sign of altering as the earth spins on its axis. Not only that i am part of all i have met, everyone i have known has left a part of themselves in me; their every little thing are in my head, though i can't tell them apart. Yet, only time is left remain as a real companion that goes along with me on my life journey. It somehow reminds me to cherish each moment i have and had. Well, i just want to make clear that: i’m not writing this to illustrate who i am. I know who i really am, and i’m honest and realistic enough with myself to be sufficiently aware of the goods and bads which are already in me.

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To the same habits that had happened sometimes from the past 6 or 7 years, into the early minutes of today's date, a few unexpected fat tear drops fell down my both cheeks as a welcoming message to the date i, for the very first time, connected with my both dearest creators (parents) - when i then was brought into lively existence. I am now again aggrieving cuz it hurts. It causes an ache even deeper than any other days of the year when i feel a need of their companies. And, in the edge of this time being, i sigh. I sigh and feel the ache deepens, knowing that for many more years to come, it will be this way. I am learning still to live with the constant pain and miss that defines a lonesome-far-away-son. No doubt i shed a few tears because after all, i just missed their presences and hugs.

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It is now almost at the end of my DAY; i'm sitting up alone still, thinking about how my life has shaped up, thinking of what gave direction to this DAY that will sweep away. I have been battling this thought around in my head for a long while now. Yet, i have no clues. And it is this, ultimately, that makes this whole day so tragic to me. Whatsoever may come, it's not the crux of all. I am formed in every moment of my everyday.... And it has been so far almost the mid of my life's span, so let's make every moment counted! Let's it be my birth-niversary!

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Thus far, i almost ignore the warm wishes from those somebodies. I'd declare that all those your fond words are pretty much counted. ~

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Thankfully, i much appreciate!
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