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Jul 31, 2007

suckEd birthday

Looking at the pages of my life and faded memories during all these years, i've lived, i've loved, i've lost, there seems nothing special of my birthdays. Just to show a little revealment, i'd say this year has been my worst birthday year of all. I've never thought my birthday is important nor ever I have granted even a single joyful birthday celebration, and that's so TRUE!

Yet, I just STILL cannot find the words to describe exactly how my heart feels every year on each of my birthday cus it SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS! Beyond what has been said, even if I had all descriptive words embedded unto my brain, I am sure that there still would not be a word that would fit exactly right cus i already believe that it's unchangeable fate of my life. Pls readers do not think hard as you will never understand, not even me can fully understand.

However, in response to the flurry of warm wishes, I'd like to express many thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes. Your words, as always, are a great source of strength. I was very thoughtful of you guys to take the time and effort to wish me Happy Birthday. I am so grateful! There aren't much words to express my thanKs to teh choicest friendship loves being shown. just in brief-->my heart is with you guys! Many thankkkks =)


rEbuildinG,

Jul 23, 2007

giving up....

I give up. This is going nowhere. My heart is now broken beyond repair. And nobody even seem to care. Even all those people I used to run to whenever problems arise seem to have left me alone now to fight on my own. Well, it isn't a poetry, but it's a mixed raging storm feeling from mE. Oh, well.... reality bites; so let me get over it with my pride; let me just get this f**ken crazy tryout nights.

Jul 20, 2007

tun sai sdai chan - poEm

I have not posted anything lately about poetry, here goes my first poem. I guess the title itself says it all really. I'd say the concept of this poem is one of the excerpts from people's lives, mine, for example. Occasionally, i like to inflict people by writing poetry. It's one way of self-consoling. I may be wrong in some ways from the view of majority. As shown, BUNNY and MOON are my 2 favorite potraits used to illustrate love in poetry.... There you go....

---------------------------------------------------
v
TUNSAI SDAY CHANN

yub dob pram(15) keort
duong chan barn eort
banh jenh reaksmey
jang jeass pon lir
bom plir loo kei
tun sai touch kdey
kor barn plir der.

chan plir jeang phkay
tver oy tun sai
sen sday lok kher(moon)
reaksmey sro tun
koy kun et la-her
het ah-vey jan breor
boer jea ngor ngit.

tun sai sday jan
jang choung dai kann
barn trem ter kit
chan khpuos huos chhgai
tun sai phei phit
kreorng thluoy kom nit
ji vet kro lab.

oah phteang po pok
mdech ro sat mork
bet barngg yang chabb
thver oy tun sai
khvol khvai ster slabb
pruos pheap oour abb
barngg bet chan trea.

ron taess phleang phkor
mdech neak bon toor
oy phjuh phjoor mea
boak bokk sa bai
tun sai vet-a-near
rong kruos kruam krea
rual reatrey sngatt.

ro nouch ji vet
douch mek ngor ngit
jang ret sreork katt
oah phjuh khor khov
jenh tov oy batt
po pork ro satt
leorng barngg jann thlai.


rEbuildinG,

PS. ngor ngit ==> DARK
chhgai ==> FAR
ron taess ==> THUNDER
phjuh phjoor mea ==> HURRICANE
sngatt ==> QUIET
khor khov ==> CRUEL

Pls refer to me with any of my Khmer-english words you do not understand via the below comment section.

Jul 15, 2007

it was you all along

Here's one more story to follow; i guess it's too much, but still, it's another touching one......

"The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan, 34, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. And all she had to cling to was her husband, Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan, and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.

Soon, however, Mark realized the arrangement wasn't working. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But she was still so fragile, so angry - how would she react? Just as he predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again.

"I'm blind!", she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you're abandoning me."
Mark's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day.

He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.
Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus-riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, And his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying the fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure do envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and again asked, "What do you mean?"

The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine-looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you as you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches until you enter your office building.

Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady." Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there is darkness. "

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S: The story reflects those who are my families, parents & brothers, who have been hundreds of time being supportive and caring of mE all these years since my first breathe. I'd like to salute both of you from this network, my beloved mom and dad. May gods and goddesses bless our family....


http://www.lovefatedestiny.com/

Jul 12, 2007

carElEss whispEr - music

The song has been my favorite piece of touching sound during these years, Careless Whisper. It was a worldwide number-one hit song for George Michael in 1984, and was released by Epic Records in the UK, Japan and other countries, and Columbia Records in North America. It features a very distinctive saxophone riff, and has been recorded by a number of artists since its first release. It went on to sell almost six million copies worldwide.

The Music video itself shows about the guilt felt by a man over an affair, and his acknowledgement that his partner was always going to find out. The title is actually from a line in the second verse - "Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend."

"Careless Whisper" was generally the closing act for concerts on the 25 Live tour, and less often in The Faith Tour concerts, usually performed live in many concerts tours like Cover To Cover Tour and Rock In Rio .George Michael would often perform "Careless Whisper" with an extended version of the ending which is apparently his preferred version.

http://www.george-michael.it/home.php




There goes the lyrics....


Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

Should've known better

I feel so unsure
as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
as the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind the silver screen
and all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Time can never mend
the careless whispers of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste this chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But noone's gonna dance with me
Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

(Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone
(Now that you're gone) What I did's so wrong
that you had to leave me alone



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQtlrBziyzI

Jun 17, 2007

onE thing for guy to lEarn - joke

The Headache Cure =))

Bert was moderately succesful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his job and personal life started to suffer because of it, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles."

Bert was shocked and depressed. But since the headache made it impossible for him to concentrate long enough to answer, he decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear and free from pain. He felt like a different person. He realized he could make a new beginning in life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit!" He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Bert laughed, "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job," replied the salesman.

Bert tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Bert admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Bert thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve, 16 1/2 neck." Bert was surprised. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."

Bert tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. As Bert adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Bert was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's feet and said, "Let's see...9 1/2 wide." Bert was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."

Bert tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Bert walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating Bert replied, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's head and said, "Let's see...7 5/8." Bert was incredulous. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Bert was feeling great. Then the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Bert thought for a moment, but then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Bert's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."
Bert laughed. "No, you finally got one wrong. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache."


=))

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/

Jun 15, 2007

thE salty coffEE

I've just finished reading this story and feel like to share; it's so touching thou...! =)
"He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, "Why you have this hobby?" He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family......

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you- the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?" She replied, "It's sweet."


http://www.lovefatedestiny.com/

Jun 13, 2007

....this far....

Love always needs a complicated measure. Sometimes, it needs more than just a sacrifice to be able to flourish. It hurts, like most poets say. And yeah, it does, big time. But then, at other times, love is simple. Sweet, but simple. Nothing compares to the divine, priceless moments it can create. Those everlasting hugs, sweet smiles, and joyful tears you guys shared that day have taught me this. Thank you, and congratulations. Yeah, love always needs a complicated measure. But trust me, guys. Once you fall in love, never hesitate, because you will never regret. I don't. I will never do....

I havE reachEd - joke

It has been 2 weeks to decide whether i should or not post this joke since i didn't know wat should be the good thing to post.

Well, now i have just come up with a funny story. hopefully, you'll enjoy reading it; and pls be reminded that the last part is the climax of the story....=)))

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some years ago, there was a man had checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting some condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son and daughter rushed into the room, found their mother laying on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

"To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Reached Date: 29th July 2004 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!


Your loving Hubby"

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/

Jun 1, 2007

mE....

It has always bothered me a lot everytime I am asked to describe stuffs about me or related to me. In all my life i feel like I've been riding on a rollercoaster. Sometimes i yell, sometimes i scream. Sometimes i feel like i am on top of the world that i just want to raise my hands and shout out to everybody about how happy and contented i am. There are times when i feel like an excited, though mostly not. It's just like a wide-eyed child whose world is all about enjoying the roller-coaster ride with all its ups and downs. As naive and foolish as it may seem, i am actually happy this way. And sometimes i wish i could just stay this way, as playful as that child, forever.

Being unable to afford a good life is such a painful ordeal of a life time. I've yet been striving so hard in targeting maself to getting a good management of life. I guess ma life is up and down depending on each coming day, days in days out. Let say i've apparently so far been living as a night owl for yearssss, and there more yearssss to come.... My chest is getting heavier by every passing second and I just lose sense of my heartbeat, every breathe of mine just gets tougher and my mind keeps on feeling disturbed for all those reasons.... I'm so fed up of laughing empty laughs. Of crying meaningless tears. Of smiling empty smiles. Of nodding careless nods. Of staring hollow stares. I want something real. Something honest. Something blatant and sweet, for me to share with the rest of the world, without fear. I'm tired of living this painful life. I wish I could just scream. And shout like that happy little boy on the rollercoaster, who does nothing else than being honest to himself and to everybody else that hears.

These days' issues are coming up and down like the raging sea; settled this, and the next moment when i think everything is falling on the right track, another issue pops up. After that, another comes up again.... Sometimes, i just can't help myself but to wonder, what the hell is happening to my life???? Am i a cursed being or what???? How much i wish to shout out, shout out those desperations and frustrations in me, but, somehow, my logical side is too strong to allow me to fall into those fantasies.... Maybe cus it knows, i won't want to head to the exit and run away from everything.

THINGS happen on each everyone of us and i found some are tough to compress within that's why i'm bringing it out not to seek agreement from others, but just to open up my memory chest.... I am taught better not to let my past dictate who i am, but let it be part of who i will become. I admit, i did step across the line of rules; i did bend it somehow and i'm not escaping from those facts, but i just want to find a new page, a departure, even when there is no certain place to go. All i can do by now is to wish to be able to MOVE ON....




rEbuildinG,