birth-nivErsary

It's raining! Once again, it's raining! From a look through my window, from the sound my ears could sense, it appears that those falling water drops are shouting and arguing for each own presence all the way to the ground. What a rainy mid-Summer! What a rainy July! It seems to me that the month of July has just come to calendar the other days and it is now already the very end of it; time flies real fast - indeed.

~

As time goes on, all of these events keep popping up into this distance of my life. I've tried on many occasions to find the words to express what I have always been about to express, but there are simply no words to describe my all these years of the occasions called Birthday. I feel like most of these my so-called special days bring out nothing, but some numbers as a remark. It shouldn't be worth remembering; i assumed.

~

Likewise, today has been no better than the previous others. This year, there're just 3 people have come to the recognition of this DAY - and, as yet, it's going to be about more than an hour till the rest of it; i am not complaining thou. Nothing is unchanging in this beautiful world. It seems to me that every individual i ever have and had relation with has his/her own sign of altering as the earth spins on its axis. Not only that i am part of all i have met, everyone i have known has left a part of themselves in me; their every little thing are in my head, though i can't tell them apart. Yet, only time is left remain as a real companion that goes along with me on my life journey. It somehow reminds me to cherish each moment i have and had. Well, i just want to make clear that: i’m not writing this to illustrate who i am. I know who i really am, and i’m honest and realistic enough with myself to be sufficiently aware of the goods and bads which are already in me.

~

To the same habits that had happened sometimes from the past 6 or 7 years, into the early minutes of today's date, a few unexpected fat tear drops fell down my both cheeks as a welcoming message to the date i, for the very first time, connected with my both dearest creators (parents) - when i then was brought into lively existence. I am now again aggrieving cuz it hurts. It causes an ache even deeper than any other days of the year when i feel a need of their companies. And, in the edge of this time being, i sigh. I sigh and feel the ache deepens, knowing that for many more years to come, it will be this way. I am learning still to live with the constant pain and miss that defines a lonesome-far-away-son. No doubt i shed a few tears because after all, i just missed their presences and hugs.

~

It is now almost at the end of my DAY; i'm sitting up alone still, thinking about how my life has shaped up, thinking of what gave direction to this DAY that will sweep away. I have been battling this thought around in my head for a long while now. Yet, i have no clues. And it is this, ultimately, that makes this whole day so tragic to me. Whatsoever may come, it's not the crux of all. I am formed in every moment of my everyday.... And it has been so far almost the mid of my life's span, so let's make every moment counted! Let's it be my birth-niversary!

~

Thus far, i almost ignore the warm wishes from those somebodies. I'd declare that all those your fond words are pretty much counted. ~

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Thankfully, i much appreciate!
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vintagE t-shirt

I am thinking of having all those below vintage t-shirts asap cuz i am poised to wear them so badly. I've got to see these self-related cool t-shits from a bank teller who suggested this site; big THANKS-YOU to her here. Even so, i don't think i can afford to have any of it. Hme....money would never be a reason regarding da things, it's another issue instead; besides, they are just soooo cheap to afford thou. Well, let it be just a mystery here=}

PS: ~ME~ dun mind having them t-shirts as gifts.

undEr construction

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bEdroom tasks

I am going to get moving within a week or two. Yet, i am still planning and looking for ways to decorate my soon-becoming-real potential small bedroom. I've had some thoughts on my own ideal standardized bedroom decorations in mind as well as some of which, as seen in the posted pictures here, are what i am going to similar-ize as closed as i could manage. This might be the most sweat-boiling task of the month for me to handle - i'd say; the real deal is.... how could i match up my king-sized bed with a small bedroom? Although so far i've found some of the easy techniques of making small bedroom look bigger, i am yet to take risks with those different approaches in decorating my small bedroom. Those risks are: time vs outcome; sweat vs days-off; satisfaction vs headache.

~

The following are 5 easy approaches(copyrighted by Shrinivas Vaidya) in making a small bedroom look bigger. Though, might be or might be not, in some unspecified way or manner, it won't work for me - i hope the below complying techniques would appeal in general for most readers....

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1) Use bright colored paints so that natural light entering the small bedroom get reflected in all directions and the room looks bigger.

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2) Use furniture with slim frames. This is a very obvious solution. Furniture with slim frames have less perceived volume and because of this the room looks bigger.

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3) Use a platform bed in a small bedroom. What is a platform bed? A platform bed is the one with low height. The normal height of any bed is around 1foot 6 inches approximately. But a platform bed is only 1 foot high from the ground level. This makes its volume and the room looks bigger.

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4) Arrange the furniture in your room at angles. Of course this is not always possible. But small pieces of furniture can be arranged in that fashion. This is done to distract the visual lines away from the walls.

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5) Use a wallpaper with horizontal pattern. This will create an illusion of horizontal expansion.

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pillows-night

One pillow, two pillows, and three pillows - i've been using them to hold my head high up in order to dope off in my night. I am now lying down here on my bed, with those pillows supporting my chin and neck, trying to listen to the heartbeat rhythm from the chest of mine, and wondering when the pain and heartache will come to an end.

!

This life of mine is nothing, but a spider's life - which can't help being something of a mess. As yet, I find myself thinking a lot lately about that my days have been touched by a deep and terrible tragedy and blaming myself why i can't maintain my faith and keep forging ahead. I have made mistakes in my life, i have failed to embrace my own dignity, i have let people taking advantages of me, and i have accepted way less than i deserve. And although i have learnt from my bad choices, there are still somethings that can never be changed. I think i am, still, somehow, haunted by the past, forget about who i really am, and live with that delusive expectation. It's a thought i can hardly handle; and it's undoubtedly true!

Of most of the nights, my heart slowly breaks in pieces for how much innocence would my choice take from my family? How very much of them will it destroy? Should their states of being innocent spare this real trauma because of me? Will they one day believe i did something so disgraceful and forever messed them up? I wish they will never know what it is like to confront with this idiot-spider-type me and i grieve for that. I grieve for them and, as well, for myself - for all options i dreamed of and worked extremely hard for. I used to have a clear vision of who i wanted to be and of high of family's expectation i aimed to enhance - and instead, i am here, writing these sentences....

The guiltiness that such a son, such a brother, and such a someone feels, equals no others. This guilt is now killing me cuz i realise.... realise so painfully.... that the kind of life i wanted does not exist anyway. All the long while i stayed under the same roof with family, i was selfless, dependable, committed, helpful and caring. And later when i have been away, i let my personal sadness embitter me, ruin me, fake me, and - last of all - destroy me. My life in short - like a saying said - is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. For this has been the fact of my life - i found it is not worth living!

!

I might sound more depressed than i really am - but, still, here's the guilt. The grieving. All that was. All that never was. All that will never be.

!

"why i firEd my sEcrEtary" - a jokE

" This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake….

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there.…

On the couch….

Naked. "

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/

an illusionary

Not that interesting.... but you should try to finish it.

In a moment you will enter a magical world

of one of David Copperffield's illusions....

In just a moment....

you will witness something really strange....

(in some cases)

You will witness an amazing illusion....

I can, through the monitor, see your mind.

You can see the below 6 different cards.

THINK ON ONE.

Just think on it.

Don't touch it.

Don't click on it.

I will find the card on your mind.

THERE YOU GO....

ARE YOU READY?

HAVE YOU ALREADY PICKED?

Now look straight into my eyes....

and think on your card....

I do not know you....

I could not see the card you have chosen....

But, i know exactly the card which is on your mind....

¡LOOK!

.... ....

.... ....

.... ....
.....
.....

.....

.....
.....

.....

.....

.........
.....

...

..

¡¡YOUR CARD IS GONE!!

This is a common program you may find out in some seconds or will never find out if you are happenned to be shown with the illusion for just seconds without the following hints.

If you take a close look at the initial cards at the last 5 cards...., you will find the explanation that is based on the lack of human memory.... There are so many tricks and effects within CARDS itself. You'll be tricked atleast once, once you ever try to involve with it. Consequesntly, there's the decision.... and only you yourself to decide.

¿TASTE IT OR LET NOT IT TASTES YOU?

a torn piEce

If you already understand about him,
no explanation is necessary....

....if you don't,

no explanation is possible.

~

viEnna calling - Euro 2008

---Euro 2008 comes to a close on Sunday night in Vienna, and it's Germany against Spain in the final. Spain can end a 44-year wait to be crowned European champions if they reproduce the same form in Sunday's final against Germany that they showed to beat Russia 3-0 in the semi-final on Thursday. Germany, in contrast, will have to play far better than they did in their 3-2 semi-final win over Turkey in Basel on Wednesday if they are to win the title for the fourth time.

There will be key battles all over the field, but the most fascinating will be in midfield between Germany captain Michael Ballack and Spain's Cesc Fabregas, who is expected to start because David Villa is likely to miss out with a foot injury. Despite decades of producing great players, Spain's only major tournament victory came at the 1964 European Championship when they beat Russia's predecessors, the Soviet Union, in the final in Madrid. Germany will also be hoping to end an odd sequence that has seen them win and lose finals alternately. After winning in 1972, they lost in 1976, before winning again in 1980, losing in 1992 and winning again in 1996---

Highlight result? Click here!

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/

cuts like a knifE

"Knife....cuts like a knife....how will i ever heal....i'm so deeply wounded...."

!

This song - by Rockwell - can visualize the feeling inside; it's from the movie "when a man love a woman". It's one among the best and slowest melodies i ever heard. I heard it the first time before a-decade-and-a-half ago and later couldn't get to listen to it in all these years. Oh memories, it now brings back those remembrances of mine i've been trying to forget.... Oh memories, my heart breaks deep inside again when hearing this song; oh memories, it's her that i am trying to hide. Trying to erase those memories would be like trying to get rid of black ink from a white rug. Though the stains may be removed and later be less in color, the shape of the stain still remains on that white carpet. It seems like trying to get rid of thoughts which are ready to being born in mind. It seems that this mind of mine has a mind of its own; once i know i can never unknow. I keep going back to the thought that i always assumed that relationship was on its way out because of those reasons, but i never thought far long enough to realize that it was because of something else which is a false feeling. I've told myself hundreds of time that breaking up is the beginning of new transition in life, but it's not easy for me to look at those memories in positive ways. If possible i'd like to challenge myself to lose those thoughts and to show myself how to actually be able to do it - taking advantage of breaking up; to discover myself as a new Me and to make me seeing myself in a whole new light. Right now, though, i just want to make the most of my experiences to be my learnt lessons as possible as i could. I just want to relocate my experiences as memories with visions of what it used to be and let it be just my past sadness and struggle.

!

Thus, here i am now learning and taking advantages of it, experiences - and practicing my new Me. I do not regret any of my choices. In life, some days can be dreams and the other can be nightmares; I am part of all that i have met.... !

ROCKWELL lyrics