mourning thE loss

The pain of loss is just too much at this moments of mine. I am now sick of pretending it's all perfect and tired of returning back those hurts. I am so sick of living this life and tired of being blue & been stuck in this middle of nowhere. Loss is just a simple word which has a very thunderous effective meaning. It screams out at me and it draws my blood up and down, what a LOSS! I am fainted now cuz of this sick missing feeling. When that completion changes to being shattering, that's what full is just an emptiness, and guided becomes lost. The security of my realisation is now fading to memory. The images of love at the same time become dreams. The feeling of those sensations are now ebbing away by causing the state of being companied becomes loneliness again. Why do i still feel the loss down so deep in my soul. When will i be able to understand it all so that my heart can be whole, not in these pieces. I really don't want to think that my life is just a mess and consider the suicide is the only option i have, to be known i do exist.

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Ohhhh lord,,,, i am so wondering how great is my greif, and how few is my joy i have been being offerred by you?!? Am i a cursed being or what? Are you gonna comit my suicide? Are you gonna push me untill i die? Now that you're stealing my breath every bit by bit. Soon.... i am sure you'll step by step strangle and choke me and will personally take me to my grave. If it is what you're content to do...., i will sure let you watch me as i fade away.... You're stealing my breath now, stopping my heart now, destroying my little everything now,,,, Ohhhh lord!